Dr. Don Mingo Missionary to Missionary Care
Your church needs an approach to help people deal with porn’s bondage in their lives. It’s often a taboo subject to bring up at church. Here a few suggestions to consider:
Classes Are Good
During my pastorate, we started a class for men struggling with porn. We hid the word “pornography” by using the term “purity.” We called it the Men’s Purity Class.
Our men’s committee conducted the class on Sunday morning. Although I didn’t think the timing best, to my amazement over 30 men showed up ranging from 17 years of age to one gentleman: 84 years old!
Recovery Groups Are Good
Reformers Unanimous is very popular in many churches. It offers help for people struggling with an array of addictions. Such groups offer connection, resources, support, validation, and promotion. I’ve talked with many of God’s people who’ve enjoyed such groups.
Here is their website: https://rurecovery.com/
However, many in the church struggling with porn fear identifying their struggle in a large gathering. They will not attend.
Also, smaller churches will struggle to staff such a program.
Accountability Partners are Good Too
Find someone who is mature, lives above pornography, and can hold one’s feet to the fire -- a committed confidant someone can transparently share the depths of their spiritual struggles with.
I have a friend who shares his approach to accountability. Every day, several men check in with him. They answer 3 questions of accountability:
1. Have you been faithful to God today?
2. Have you been faithful to your wife today? (That includes zero porn exposure that day.)
3. Have you been faithful to your purity today? (What did you think about and do?)
Mature Christian Mentors – The Best
My favorite approach is to find mature Christian mentors to help weak, struggling Christians move forward. It’s a biblical model that worked effectively for us during my pastorates.
The Older Help the Younger
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober…” Titus 2:3-4a
“That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.
"Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.” Titus 2:2, 6
My favorite example of this approach is a wonderful Christian man named Chuck. Chuck is in his fifties, and is the executive director of a small company in northern Minnesota.
I introduced James – a man in his middle 20s struggling with porn – to Chuck after he came to me for help. Chuck agreed to help only after James committed to meeting with Chuck every Friday morning at 6:00 am. From there they’d go to a coffee shop. Chuck insisted on picking James up every week.
On the first Friday, Chuck showed up at James’ house at 5:45 am. He banged on the door, and a bewildered half asleep zombie came to the door. Chuck laughed and roared.
“How were you going to meet me at 6:00 if you’re not out of bed yet?”
Then Chuck laid down the gauntlet.
“James, you’ve got time to stay up all night surfing porn. From this moment on, that stops. You’ll be ready next week, on time, standing on the sidewalk waiting for me. Now go get dressed.”
After a year, James declared himself porn free. He is only one of many examples of Chuck’s tireless efforts to disciple men out of pornography.
Karen and Marv were another wonderful couple who worked with couples struggling with porn. Did you know couples – together – involve themselves in porn?
It’s a slower method, but it’s surer too. One point is clear. The church must address the porn issue and offer help to escape its defecation of the soul, relationships, marriage, and family.